Lauding Love's Longevity

by cd banks

withdrterri

It's hard to believe June is already here, which means we're halfway through the calendar year. I tell you 2016 has been full and fast. Yet, if you're like me, summer is the perfect time to slow down and to spend time doing the things that matter--loving, celebrating, and relaxing--with family and friends. No wonder this time of year is known for weddings, graduations, and vacations. And so as we kick-off the month, we do so by focusing on ways to applaud love's longevity. With me tonight is a dear sisterfriend and student of mine--cd banks--who will share with us her words of wisdom as she reflects on nearly 40 years of marriage. I so love her spirit. My hope is that those of you who are planning to wed soon (or who are already married) will find insight and inspiration that helps you to build longevity into your marriage. So read on...and enjoy the gift of love.

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Since this is a blog bit and not a sound bite you cannot hear me applauding.

I’m clapping for the amazing, yet absolutely imperfect marriages I’ve witnessed in my life. Couples who, in spite of the changing seasons of love, have endured; still walking together as friends striving to keep love alive.

To an outsider, making marriage work is like the changing colors of autumn’s leaves . . . seemingly effortless. Having experienced forty-three years of friendship and thirty-eight years of marriage, has caused me to discover that making marriage work is anything but effortless. It takes intentionality and so much more.

As my husband Gene and I move into our more seasoned years together, I am truly learning what it takes, with the help of God, to withstand the harshness of winter; survive the sweltering sweetness of summer; hang onto the hopefulness of spring; and not lay down and take the count during the fight of fall.

Making it through the myriad seasons of marriage demands much, but is worth it in the end. Some things that may help is to remember to:

1. Be Committed

Commitment to our marriage, each other, ourselves, and to Christ is crucial. It can be the key that locks the door to divorce, contributes to longevity in marriage, and helps us endure those winter seasons that are sure to come.

Even in the area of intimacy we must be committed to keeping love alive by allowing the LORD to be in every aspect of our marriage. Inviting the Godhead into those intimate moments lets Him be LORD over our lovemaking. Personally, this was somewhat daunting initially. There was the temptation to get a little “Adam-and-Eve-ish” and throw on some fig leaves. Instead, Gene and I threw off the restraints and let God have His way. It has made such a difference.

2. Be Forgiving

Unforgiveness is incarceration of the soul. Forgiveness is our get-out-of-jail-free card. Forgiveness requires relinquishing the notion that we can revise past events. We can’t. We don’t have the power to change what has happened, but we are empowered to change our response to what happens. Free yourself. Free others. Forgive. It’s crucial.

3. Be Willing to Communicate

Speaking, listening, and understanding are three components of communication. Often the temptation is to speak more than we listen. However, learning to listen to our mate’s verbal/body language is significant. Some couples have been together long enough such that they can finish each other’s sentences. Just because we can doesn’t mean we should. Let’s seek to stay connected and communicate as we attempt to speak, listen, and understand our mates.

4. Be Friends and Encourage Each Other’s Passions

Learn to genuinely like each other and help nurture your mate’s passions. Gene’s greatest passion is photography. Often I will accompany him as he captures life through his lens. I may carry a piece of equipment, pose as a prop or surprise him by framing one of his most prized photos. Try to never miss an opportunity to encourage your mate and affirm his God-given skills.

5. Become Friends with Yourself . . . Enjoy the Company

Discover the joy of taking time for yourself to get to know who you are in the down-deepness of your soul. Waiting for an invitation? Don’t. You have your own permission to jump in that car and ride, baby, ride. Take that trip, go to the gym, get on that elliptical and step in the name of love for self. If writing is your thing, take a writing course or just sit on your patio, open a vein, (not literally!), and write. Like listening to Christmas Carols from September to well past Christmas? Go for it! With all your quirks and idiosyncrasies, enjoy being you. Declare “I’m going to be the me-est me God created me to be.” Then . . . be. Embrace your uniqueness. Love that which sets you apart. Don’t allow others to think your thoughts nor try to translate your heart.

And whatever season you find your heart in, I encourage you to endure.

My prayer is that through the seasons of love and life you will withstand the harshness of winter; survive the sweltering sweetness of summer; hang onto the hopefulness of spring; and not lay down and take the count during the fight of fall.

As a couple having made it victoriously through spring, summer, and fall, when you wind up in the winter of your love, may you emerge perhaps with a slower gait … but a stronger love . . . still friends.

Now that’s something to applaud!

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cd banks is a lifelong learner who has a passion for communication via the written and spoken word. She has attended University of Phoenix majoring in Communications. She has also attended Pneuma Life School of Ministry where her focus is in Theological Studies. Cynthia is grateful for the love of family which includes her husband, Gene, of 38 years; three adult children and four precious grandchildren whom she loves to life.