Our Bodies, Our Belongings (April Series)

by dr. terri

Ladies, we’ve all done it: looked in the mirror and wished things were different—better. How is it that one minute we feel lousy about how we see ourselves? Then with the right make-up and outfit, the right words of encouragement and prayer, the right amount of exercise, and the right bit of sexual healing; we can feel absolutely amazing? That is, until something goes wrong and we step back in front of the mirror only to once again wish things were different—better.

Oh, the joys of womanhood. So many things influence our ability to self-love and to self-hate. People. Places. Things. They all bring with them voices from our past experiences, our present conditions, and our future wishes. We seem to struggle for years trying to get beautifully comfortable in our skin; and to have a true sense of belonging with the nouns in our lives. So why can’t we make peace with it all and just live with it being what it is?

Yes, I know. We live in an era when we can make outward transformations happen just by doing something about the way we look. Exercise. Eat right. Change our hair and make-up. Nip. Tuck. Shop ‘til we drop. Avoid the scale. Cover the mirror. But the truth is no outward transformation will ever really satisfy us, if we aren’t willing to do the inner work. And the inner work really has to do with making peace with our belongings—to whom we belong, where we belong, and who and what belongs to us.

So this month we’re dealing with our bodies and our belongings. Throughout the month, we’ll discuss ways to stop the body shaming and start accepting the skin we’re in, so we can make healthy choices about transformations that really matter. We’ll address issues around how to better communicate our needs and desires in the relationships to which we belong—whether familial, romantic, or platonic. And finally, we’ll deal with how to be more confident with our bodies and our belongings as we move about the public sphere.

I hope you’ll stay tuned because our guest bloggers and I are ready to share insight and information to help us make peace with our bodies and our belongings. In the meantime, here’s your first homework assignment. Remember our God-bag activity from last month? You’ll need to keep it handy. Or if you prefer to use a journal, it will work as well. Now throughout the month, take time—once a day or once a week—to study your body in the mirror (clothed or unclothed—your choice). Describe what you see and how you feel about what you see in the mirror. If you feel good about what you see, write down why you feel good about the image you see. And if you aren’t happy about what you see, write down why too. The goal in this activity is to actually see what we’re saying about ourselves to ourselves from one moment to the next. Be sure not to erase or cross-out what you write. Just be honest. And as we go through the month, we’ll look at ways that we can love on ourselves, forgive ourselves, and free ourselves through what we say to ourselves on a more consistent basis.

Talk with you soon. Until then, stay well and stay + y’all…

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dr. terri is an educator, empowerment writer, and entrepreneur,

who provides education planning, writing guidance, and life-mapping services to the sisterhood and those they love.

To learn more about her services, visit www.withdrterri.com. For the online women's center, visit www.stillsosexy.com.