By Sandilak

On June 21, 1967, my homegirl, Cheryl, saw me at work and invited me to a birthday party she was having at her house for a guy, who was in the military, and he would be bringing some of his friends. An invitation a healthy 23 year old lady would be glad to accept. The prospect of partying with some guys in the military would probably be fun. My sister and I arrived late in the evening, the party was well underway. After the perfunctory greetings and procurement of a drink, I surveyed the available men. I saw the "birthday boy" sitting at a table with a half-gallon of bourbon and another one of my acquaintances sitting with him. He was a tall, well-groomed, well-dressed chocolate colored brother. He was just my type. I made up my mind to find out something about him.

The party progressed—more people came, some people left. I noticed the "birthday boy", had danced a few times. I liked his style and the way he carried himself. When I saw him alone, I went over to congratulate him, wishing him a happy birthday. A conversation began with a dance and the beginning of a journey that has lasted 46 years.

His base was 90 miles away and we often saw each other 4-5 days out of the week. We talked every day (no cell phones in 1967). He gave me an engagement ring in September and we were married November 10, 1967. It was indeed a whirlwind romance and our lives have been moving and shaking ever since. My family was none too happy with my decision to marry a man that nobody knew anything about. My feelings were that risks are a part of any marriage even if you knew someone all your life, as I had my first husband.

Six years and two children into the marriage, the differences in our backgrounds had really challenged the marriage. We both had images in our minds of our parents’ marriages as models to apply to our marriage. The differences caused arguments and betrayals to the marriage by him. At that time they hurt deeply and they were cause for our first separation. As the song goes "Break up to makeup " was our theme song.

Many women would have called it "quits" after the first break-up. Over the years, I realized I needed to work on myself, develop myself to my maximum potential. My faith in God and the commitment to "marriage" challenged me to be stronger. During our separations, I realized I continued to attract the same kind of man, to a greater or lesser degree. I decided to take Gandhi's advice and "Be the change you want to be" I accepted my husband as he is and worked on ME. My spirituality became stronger and the realization that it helped me meet my own needs and not depend on my husband to fill anything in me.

This January 2013 began our 46th year together. We are both still resolving the issues within ourselves. Still working with each other because we are both committed. In essence, our marriage has been the structure we both used for our healing.