Adult Conclusions: Journey into Well-Being

by dr. terri

It's the final week of Women's History Month and with the end of it comes the conclusion of our Journey into Well-Being series. A big thank you to my guest bloggers who shared what it means to be lucky in love and how to get our feet under us so we can stand. I trust you've enjoyed each entry. But most of all, I hope you grew a little taller in your tenacity, a little wider in your wisdom, a little deeper in your determination, and a little sexier in your sensuality. Read on for our re-cap. And as always, be well and stay + y'all...

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If you’ve ever seen the movie—Eat, Pray, Love—then you’re probably familiar with the term attraversiamo. It’s Italian for “let’s cross over.” Typically, it’s used as an indication that those who are walking together should now cross the street. But in the movie the term comes to mean so much more, particularly as it relates to a woman’s decision to cross over with her mate into something more beautiful than either of them have ever known. Throughout this month, we have been walking together on this journey into well-being. Why this journey? Because we realize that in order to have healthy lives with our mates, we must first have healthy lives with our Self. So here’s what we’ve covered.

We began by looking at Judith’s life and how she forfeited her own hopes, dreams, and aspirations in order to devote her life to her husband. But in the long run, he left her for another woman who apparently was confident that she could have it all (i.e., marriage, family, children, and a career). Ouch! You mean we as women can have it all? Such a rude awakening is kind of like the moment when Dorothy realizes the power to leave Oz and go home was in the shoes on her feet. She just had to use them. And so it is with our lives. We really do have the power to walk this journey with those who will take us just as we are and just as we desire to be (no self-forfeiting necessary). Judith finally realized this truth but it took her doing a lot of soul-searching.

On our journey, we started our soul-searching with a heart-to-heart look at girlhood. We examined some of the stereotypes placed on us. And while some of us received praise and accolades that helped us to develop a phenomenal sense of self; many of us bought into negative stereotypes that told us we were less than valuable. For those who fit the latter category, we gave the God Bag assignment. Hopefully, those of you who actually participated are making amends with the little girl you left behind.

Well, then we moved into our adolescent years—the uncovered stage of our lives leading to our early adult years. We reflected on our choices to gravitate towards romantic relationships out of fear that we couldn’t become ourselves without being identified as a couple. For some, couple-hood has been a joyous journey after all these years. For others, there is a boat-load of regret because we haven’t been able to get over how we wasted so much time being afraid of becoming ourselves.

So this week we’re here—girls who are not ashamed of our girlhood and teens who are not scared of being seen as individuals. And it is here where we draw our conclusions as to what it takes to be a woman of a certain age. Like Judith, and even Dorothy, we must conclude that what makes a woman a woman is her choice to be one (period). But in order to come to this conclusion, we as women have to choose to honor what Carol Ryff calls the six-domains (or dimensions) of well-being. They are autonomy, personal growth, self-acceptance, life purpose, environmental mastery, and positive relatedness. To honor them, we must eliminate our fears about growing into womanhood, so:

1. Don’t be afraid to be autonomous. Autonomy is the behavior of a woman who operates in accordance with her own interests or values even as she is supported by non-controlling relationships.

2. Don’t be afraid of personal growth. Personal growth is a product of a woman who seeks and is open to opportunities which enable her to enhance her existing skills and talents.

3. Don’t be afraid of self-acceptance. Self-acceptance requires a woman to maintain a sense of esteem for herself in the face of complex and sometimes unpleasant personal aspects of her own characteristics and behaviors.

4. Don’t be afraid of your life purpose. When a woman finds her individual purpose in life, her raison d’etre (reason for existing), she has a sense of direction even when it appears the world offers no satisfactory alternatives for her circumstances.

5. Don’t be afraid to master your environment. Environmental mastery takes place when a woman is able to take an active role in influencing her surroundings in order for her needs and wants to be met.

6. Don’t be afraid of positively relating to others. Positive relatedness entails a woman’s ability to create warm and intimate relations with others who help to provide a presence of satisfying social contact and healthy human relationships in her life.

As we close out this Women's History Month March series, keep these six domains of well-being in mind. They are at the heart of being a well woman who not only maintains personal control and self-responsibility as an individual; but they are at the heart of her cultivating positive relationships with others. So use them to strengthen the little girl in you. Use them to encourage the teen in you. But most importantly, use them to direct the present you into becoming a better you. Now let’s cross over—attraversiamo!

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dr. terri is an educator, empowerment writer, and entrepreneur,

who provides education planning, writing guidance, and life-mapping services to the sisterhood and those they love.

To learn more about her services, visit www.withdrterri.com. For the online women's center, visit www.stillsosexy.com.