Adolescence: Journey into Well-Being

by dr. terri

The adolescent years are no easy thing to survive. In fact, have you ever noticed the only time the human lifespan has no hood to shield us from society’s glare is during our adolescent years? It seems every stage has a “social hoodie” to cover its ways of being—childhood (0-12), emerging adulthood (18-25), and adulthood itself (26 and up). But when you are 13-17 years old, you are just left out there desperately trying to find a way to not be so awkward, foolish, and scared. This desperation is particularly true when we consider how we handled romantic relationships as teenage girls.

Sure, some of us were either late bloomers or we stayed on the straight and narrow clear into adulthood. But for the rest of us, we spent the majority of our time hoping we wouldn’t be the last chick picked to be somebody—anybody’s—girlfriend. It seems silly now, our desperate need for "couple-hood" just so we could validate our teenage years by saying, “I was here” (even if we were only able to write it on a bathroom stall wall).

And let’s face it. While we tried to play the game and look the part of Ms. Right back-in-the-day, our quiet teenage desperation often led us right into the arms of the wrong guy (or guys, if we were the consummate bum-magnets)--some of whom helped to make us the Bitter Bettys we are all these years later (ouch)!

Anyway, I can remember when I was in high school, many teenage girls were eager to marry. It was all they ever talked about doing. They just wanted to complete high school (maybe college), find a husband, get married, have a family, and live happily ever after. These were the things they believed would make them happy. And to be honest, these were the things society told us would make us happy.

Yet, of all those who pursued that path, only those who had other aspirations seemed to have remained happily married. But for those who made their whole world revolve around desperately needing to be married—who never pursued other aspirations, they now have no clue who and what they want to be now that they are grown women. And for some, they are miserably feeling no further along than when they were awkward, foolish, and scared teenagers.

Now if this latter category is where you presently find yourself—still being desperate for a “social hoodie” because you’re afraid to develop into another level of you; it’s time to let the teen in you step into adulthood. I know this can seem like an undaunting task because what most of us never learned as teenagers is that we are multidimensional beings. So the notion of being only one thing at a time in life is exactly how we waste our lifetime. And if we're not careful, it's exactly how our daughters, nieces, granddaughters, and goddaughters will waste theirs.

In other words, we have to accept that things happen at the speed of life. We grow old(er). We see our mates change and grow for better and for worse. We finish raising kids and (hopefully) they eventually leave us to our comfortable empty nest. We lose parents and loved ones. We retire and relocate. These are the things that make life LIFE. So we have to see ourselves as women who are ever growing and going to the next level even amid these things. We have to see ourselves beyond the dreams of our teen years, so that any unmet dreams aren't the hinge pins for our subsequent disbelief in happily ever after.

So how do we get pass those adolescent years that set us up for being one dimensional women in our romantic relationships? Well, first we start by exploring our everyday environments more. Make use of things that speak to our womanly ways of being as individuals (i.e., faith, finances, friends, family, fun, and friskiness). Then we must take on new adventures with our mates. After all, many of us never learned that if you are really going to find Mr. Right (or keep him for that matter), you need to understand even he wants to be with Ms. Right. And you can’t really be Ms. Right if you are still being the teenager whose greatest claim to fame is writing, “I was here” on the bathroom stall walls of life. So get out the stall and live.

The journey continues…

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dr. terri is an educator, empowerment writer, and entrepreneur,

who provides education planning, writing guidance, and life-mapping services to the sisterhood and those they love.

To learn more about her services, visit www.withdrterri.com. For the online women's center, visit www.stillsosexy.com.