Girlhood: Journey into Well-Being

by dr. terri

Girlhood rocks! Or does it? For the most part, our society advocates that well-being for all children starts with them being healthy physically and psychologically. However, this is not merely based on the absence of physical or mental illnesses. Rather, it is a concerted effort on the part of adults who promote children’s strengths by cultivating their talents, positive relationships, moral values, and intellectual capacities. But as some of us can attest, concerted efforts are not always afforded to every child. Undoubtedly, many go without the time and attention they so desperately need to become physically and psychologically healthy individuals.

As we journey into well-being, we as women must start our stories at the beginning. We must start with our girlhood. So take a moment to think back to being a child—the days of being a young girl with pigtails and Ebony Jr. afro-puffs. Were you a daddy’s little girl, a tomboy, a nerd, or a fast Miss Thang? Were you adored, ignored, bored, or easy to afford? The answers to these questions will not only help to identify the labels we internally accepted or rejected about ourselves but they can help us to identify the attitudes we externally projected onto those around us.

Yes, many of us bought into the stereotypes that convinced us we were either the crème de la crème or the least likely to succeed. And all too often, it was the latter which has kept of us from living healthy lives. But listen, if we are going to journey into well-being, we must take some time to go back and get the little girl we left behind—not because we necessarily want to be her again but because she desperately needs to become us alongside us now. It is the only way either one can ever be healthy, happy, and whole.

Well, how do we go back and get her? And what do we do once we find her? Glad you asked. Here’s your discovery assignment: Create a God-Bag. You read that correctly. It’s really simple to make. What you’ll need is a small gift bag, glue, and some art supplies to decorate it. Because the bag will belong to both you and the little girl you left behind, the two of you should decide how you’d like to decorate it.

Once you decorate the bag, find a place where you each can access it whenever you need it. Now when you have something to say to each other (i.e., a story, joke, prayer, apology, reminder, etc.), write it down on a piece of paper—fold it up and drop it in the God-bag. When the other is ready to read it, she can go to it and get it. But here’s the catch. Once either of you reads it, you can choose to respond but whatever you do, you have to put it back in the God-bag. After all, to be truly whole on this journey into well-being, you’ll both have to share it with each other then let go and let God.

The journey continues…

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dr. terri is an educator, empowerment writer, and entrepreneur,

who provides education planning, writing guidance, and life-mapping services to the sisterhood and those they love.

To learn more about her services, visit www.withdrterri.com. For the online women's center, visit www.stillsosexy.com.

Lucky

by Babette Wallace

withdrterri

I'm excited to have Babette Wallace as our first "Reader as Writer" for the month of March. As you know, we're dealing with our journey into well-being throughout this Women's History Month, so her story is right on time and on point. See how she made the journey with the love of her life--and nearly 30 years later, how they are still on the journey of love and well-being. Read on...

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Many family members and friends say I’m lucky. That “we” have figured out the secret to falling and staying in love. With almost thirty years together as evidence, perhaps my husband and I are lucky indeed. I’d like to declare there is a clandestine checklist out there that guarantees long-lasting love, but that would be a lie. Do I still love this man? Yes. Deeply, passionately, I do. But endless love can’t fly on the wings of just great looks, great sex and great chemistry. Prayer is the wing that allows relationships to soar.

I met my husband at Kean University of New Jersey in 1986. It was my first day of class as a freshman and a mutual friend and I were walking across the stone bridge to the registrar’s office. My “future” was walking in the opposite direction when he stopped dead in his tracks. After reminiscing a bit with our friend, his attention quickly turned to me. “You’re the woman I’m going to marry!” he nervously avowed. The look on my face said it all. I waited until his figure was out of view and I began my verbal attack. “Who the hell was that? He doesn’t know me like that! I’m engaged already!”

A year later, my engagement had fizzled and I was hot and heavy with him. Yes, the guy who had the audacity to proclaim our union by that stone bridge. The beginning three years of courting and eventually moving in with one another proved to be challenging and sketchy. We were in our early twenties, naive and relationship--deficient (me more than him). In fact, it wasn’t until I chased him down Murray Street in Elizabeth, NJ (butt naked), the street where we shared a one room apartment, that I realized I needed to make some decisions about our future; that I had to make the humble decision to change. I had to pray on us.

We avoided the “seven year itch” and dove right into marriage in 1996. I know many will judge me for “living in sin” for so long, but it really allowed us to iron out all the bends and twists that outline any relationship. Prayer opened up the opportunity for atonement and redemption. By now, we lived through a lot of our “for better or worse”, enough for us to realize we were strong enough to weather any storm.

And boy did more storms come. We had to endure two miscarriages before finally conceiving our beautiful son, Brandon in 1999. Dealing with post-partum depression was a curse and a blessing. It is the worse mental and physical pain one could ever imagine, but the support of my husband during this challenging time confirmed our vow and responsibility as husband and wife. Unfortunately, we would suffer two more miscarriages, until the doctors decided it was time to stop beating up my body. We knew it would be best for me to tie my tubes. This caused an unspoken division between us. We both wanted more children. Praying and more praying occurred, along with self-reflection. We both decided to change our reaction to the unfortunate situation.

God blessed us years later (thirteen years to be exact) with a daughter. Jesenia didn’t grow in my belly. She grew in our hearts. She is the product of my now deceased brother and an Ecuadorian hooker. She had also been the product of the state of New Jersey since birth. My brother requested that my husband and I adopt his baby. It was a difficult decision at first. For one, the thought of having to deal with my irrational brother in this process was agonizing, but not as agonizing as it would be to go through with it and have the courts decide to keep her in foster care anyway. After my brother called me from his death bed, demanding we get his daughter out of the system, we knew it would take a collective effort, but would fight the courts and secure his legacy. Twenty-thousand dollars later and with radical prayer, Jesenia would be ours, adoption papers and all.

My husband and I are now in the age of meno/manopause. If that ain’t enough to deal with, we are also anticipating becoming caregivers to our elderly mothers. I’m pretty sure this stage in our relationship will prove to be just as interesting, challenging and satisfying as the others. With love, devotion and extreme prayer, I’m confident we’ll be lucky enough to survive.

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Babette Wallace is a middle school Language Arts teacher in the Atlanta, Ga area.

Intro: Journey into Well-Being

by dr. terri

In the late 1990s, the renowned screenwriter, Richard LaGravenese, released the movie Living Out Loud, which tackles the topic of how one woman learned to be happy with herself and her life. The main character, Judith, is married to a prominent surgeon. They meet during medical school, where she, too, was studying to be a doctor. However, she lets go of her dream of becoming a doctor and settles for becoming a nurse because she would rather be married to a doctor than to be a doctor who is single.

Within the course of the 15-year marriage, Judith never has children because her husband does not want any. She later chooses to forfeit her nursing career in order to remain flexible for his fast-paced schedule. Yet, in spite of all her sacrifices to keep her marriage and to keep her husband satisfied, she learns of his having an affair with another doctor who is a much younger woman. To add insult to injury, after their divorce, her ex-husband marries his mistress, the doctor, and they start a family together.

Suddenly Judith realizes she has failed to negotiate her own autobiography of well-being. By the end of the movie, after much soul-searching, and the establishment of new platonic and romantic relationships, Judith makes the decision to go back to medical school and reclaim herself and her life. In essence, Judith learns to pursue her own sense of well-being.

Like many women, Judith’s story is filled with life-altering dilemmas that can lead to questioning not only how she arrived at her present situation but to question how she can successfully move forward with her life. Judith does this by learning to better communicate with her inner self and with others. In doing so, the movie literally allows the audience to listen to her inner thoughts even as she dialogues with those around her.

What the audience witnesses is her journey into well-being. And it is Judith’s journey as a woman that serves as a springboard for this Women's History Month March series on the Journey into Well-Being. So over the next few weeks we’ll look at well-being across the lifespan of women, particularly as it relates to autonomy, personal growth, self-acceptance, life purpose, environmental mastery, and positive relatedness.

Whatha? Ah, stay tuned as we explain what each of these mean for us as women who seek to be well. In the meantime, let's ask ourselves: What dreams have we needlessly forfeited in the quest for imaginary happiness?

The journey continues...

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dr. terri is an educator, empowerment writer, and entrepreneur,

who provides education planning, writing guidance, and life-mapping services to the sisterhood and those they love.

To learn more about her services, visit www.withdrterri.com. For the online women's center, visit www.stillsosexy.com.

Womanhood and Women's History Month

by dr. terri

On the life of women, the late Jane Austen stated: "She had been forced into prudence in her youth. She learned romance as she grew older--the natural sequence of an unnatural beginning." No doubt, womanhood is a beautiful, complex, and abstract phenomena. It is powerful, so powerful that those outside of it seek to claim it as a manageable and controllable experience. It is not. In fact, womanhood is ultimately an inside job, which requires the inhabitant of the female dwelling place to freely exist, change, and grow. Are there female impersonators, impostors, and point-blank sell-outs? Sure. But when it comes to the romantic life of a woman, there is no one realer than the woman who learns to begin her romantic journey again and finally on her own terms.

Today, as the virtual doors of StillSoSexy! officially (re)open after a long hiatus, I want to invite you to begin your romantic journey again even as we begin ours again. And how befitting to start this journey just as Women's History Month kicks-off? So over the coming weeks, we will pay tribute to Women's History Month (WHM) by doing a series entitled: Journey Into Well-Being. We begin with this particular series topic because I believe before we can truly embrace what it means to be sexual and sensual beings, we must understand our individual and collective journeys into our own sense of well-being. And to help us really bring this series to life, we will feature a few Readers as Writers who will share their own journeys into well-being. I hope you'll join us each week during WHM. Until then, be well and stay + y'all...

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dr. terri is an educator, empowerment writer, and entrepreneur,

who provides education planning, writing guidance, and life-mapping services to the sisterhood and those they love.

To learn more about her services, visit www.withdrterri.com. For the online women's center, visit www.stillsosexy.com.

withdrterri

I know. I know. It's been awhile since last we gathered in this writing space. Much has been taking place. For starters, over the past year some of you have been hearing me on the radio as the co-host of the Hakeem Pierre Radio Show (@hakeempierre). I absolutely love being on the air and taking calls about relationships from listeners who phone-in from around the nation. I have also been transitioning from my long-time career in academia into my own private practice in educational planning and life coaching. You can bet I will be sharing more about it in the weeks and months ahead.

Given the hiatus, many of you have inquired when we would get back to discussing our experiences of womanhood. Well, no worries. I have been diligently working behind-the-scenes to move to this new website platform, so we could (re)open our virtural doors. And now that it's done, it won't be long before I am penning delicious topics and tips once more. In the meantime, feel free to take a look around the site. You can let me know you were here by leaving a note on the DROP BOX page.

Needless to say, I am excited to have some of our health and wellness educators come through again. And without a doubt, I am elated to bring back the "Readers as Writers" segment. It is a favorite of mine because it is such a great opportunity for you (the readers) to be featured bloggers. Trust me. Thus far, we have some great voices preparing to share their journeys with us. If you are interested in doing the same, please visit our CONTACT page.

So listen, if you are new to the site, consider getting acquainted with some of our past blog topics. And even if you are not new to the site, consider doing a reading refresher. Unfortunately, the past comments could not be carried over to the new site. However, the blog content is in tact. So read on. You won't be disappointed. With this being said, please stay tuned for our formal return next month. Until then, be well and stay + y'all...