By Sandilak

On June 21, 1967, my homegirl, Cheryl, saw me at work and invited me to a birthday party she was having at her house for a guy, who was in the military, and he would be bringing some of his friends. An invitation a healthy 23 year old lady would be glad to accept. The prospect of partying with some guys in the military would probably be fun. My sister and I arrived late in the evening, the party was well underway. After the perfunctory greetings and procurement of a drink, I surveyed the available men. I saw the "birthday boy" sitting at a table with a half-gallon of bourbon and another one of my acquaintances sitting with him. He was a tall, well-groomed, well-dressed chocolate colored brother. He was just my type. I made up my mind to find out something about him.

The party progressed—more people came, some people left. I noticed the "birthday boy", had danced a few times. I liked his style and the way he carried himself. When I saw him alone, I went over to congratulate him, wishing him a happy birthday. A conversation began with a dance and the beginning of a journey that has lasted 46 years.

His base was 90 miles away and we often saw each other 4-5 days out of the week. We talked every day (no cell phones in 1967). He gave me an engagement ring in September and we were married November 10, 1967. It was indeed a whirlwind romance and our lives have been moving and shaking ever since. My family was none too happy with my decision to marry a man that nobody knew anything about. My feelings were that risks are a part of any marriage even if you knew someone all your life, as I had my first husband.

Six years and two children into the marriage, the differences in our backgrounds had really challenged the marriage. We both had images in our minds of our parents’ marriages as models to apply to our marriage. The differences caused arguments and betrayals to the marriage by him. At that time they hurt deeply and they were cause for our first separation. As the song goes "Break up to makeup " was our theme song.

Many women would have called it "quits" after the first break-up. Over the years, I realized I needed to work on myself, develop myself to my maximum potential. My faith in God and the commitment to "marriage" challenged me to be stronger. During our separations, I realized I continued to attract the same kind of man, to a greater or lesser degree. I decided to take Gandhi's advice and "Be the change you want to be" I accepted my husband as he is and worked on ME. My spirituality became stronger and the realization that it helped me meet my own needs and not depend on my husband to fill anything in me.

This January 2013 began our 46th year together. We are both still resolving the issues within ourselves. Still working with each other because we are both committed. In essence, our marriage has been the structure we both used for our healing.

By VRena

21. That’s how young I was when I met him…actually, it was ON my 21st birthday! Thinking about it now…hmmm…what a gift!!! Little did I know that the chance meeting in White Castle (go figure) would result in a family of five!!!

During summer break from Spelman, and after job interviews with Prudential, a friend and I stopped in White Castle for those “murder burgers” that we didn’t have access to in Atlanta! She noticed that the math book he had was the same one she used for her class. Introductions and a conversation ensued…and six years later, he and I were married!

So I am and had always been a woman of size, cherished by myself, but often feeling like a consolation prize for most men. Don’t get me wrong…I never had any self-esteem issues…not by a long shot!!! But I had reality. When I met him…or should I say when my friend and I met him, I was VERY interested in learning more about him. (Even though he had on combat boots in 90-degree weather, I was interested.) We exchanged numbers…all of us, and I never thought in a million years that he would call ME. But he did, and he asked me out…”Yes”…accompanied by an ear-to-ear grin!!!

Over that summer we enjoyed each other’s company and spent an eternity talking about everything under the sun! He was a gentleman in every aspect of the word…opening doors, listening…really listening to what I had to say, paying for meals, even writing me poetry. I had a difficult time trusting that he was really into me…mainly because he was such a good looking guy…and you know…like I said, I was (and still am) a woman of size. But day after day, he showed me that he was genuine…and I began to realize that I was (and still am) worthy of love…even from a good looking guy! I stopped questioning my relationship and got comfortable in the arms of this man. I began to believe that he was the man God sent for ME!!! I was in love, and loving it and him!!!

Fast forward…September 4, 2013 will mark 20 years of marriage to that guy I met at White Castle on May 12, 1987!!! Together we have three daughters and one granddaughter…and I am still in love with him- and he’s still good-looking!!! And he’ll gladly and freely tell anyone of his love for me!! I’m blessed because I could have become a victim of my limiting thoughts about my size which would have left me relation-less! But I’m here to tell you my sisters, to shake off your ill-conceived self-limits…because God has no limits for us!!! Not in relationships or anything else! We are so worthy of good everything…relationships, jobs, food, jewelry, etc.!!! We must simply believe and KNOW that we are worthy…despite our size, our complexion, our flat rear, our big belly, our unfinished degree, our stretch marks, our out-of-wedlock child, our unemployment or even our 5-yr long bad relationship!!! We must shed all that baggage so that we are in position to receive the positives, the bonuses and the additions that God has for us!!! God placed me…Me…in a position to receive a lifelong love…and I assure you he will do the same for you! Lose the self-imposed limits, my sisters!!! Receive, receive, receive!!!!

By Monique P. Jones, DPM

As we enter the final days of shopping, cooking, and preparing for the holidays, let's not forget to care for our bodies--especially our feet. This week we have Dr. Monique P. Jones, a doctor of podiatric medicine (a foot doctor), giving tips on how to care for our feet and ways to keep 'em sexy throughout the season. Read on!

***********

What does it mean to have healthy feet? A few descriptions immediately come to mind; well moisturized skin, evenly trimmed toenails, absence of hardened tissue (skin) on the heels or pressure points. How we care for our feet is essential to our overall health. This is especially true if dealing with a medical condition such as Diabetes.

One could argue, our feet are the most used and abused parts of our body. With all of the seemingly endless walking, running, jumping and standing we endure, our feet take a literal beating. Not to mention the beautiful but often painful heels we wear. Let’s face it, we love how we look and feel in high heels but no one wants the discomfort. So how do we turn used and abused into care and pampering? Below are some tips to consider:

1. Whether you have a clean bill of health or being treated for a medical condition, you should inspect your feet regularly and pay attention to changes in color, texture or appearance.

2. After washing or soaking your feet, dry them thoroughly, especially between your toes. This will help to prevent fungal infections.

3. Moisturize your feet with a non water based lotion or cream. These emollients will gradually absorb into the skin and maintain moisture longer than those that are water based (first ingredient). Body butters are considered great moisturizers. Typically, our skin requires additional moisture during the winter season. This is true for our feet as well.

4. Regularly trim your toenails straight across with a clipper. This will help to prevent ingrown toenails. Any jagged edges should be smoothed with an emery board.

5. Massaging your feet before going to bed will help to relax them and cause you to sleep better.

6. When going for a pedicure, it’s safest to decline use of a razor to remove hardened tissue (skin). Request a pumice stone instead. Some patrons will bring their personal instruments with them to the salon. If so, afterwards the instruments can be cleaned by cold sterilization (i.e., alcohol).

Caring for our feet isn’t difficult and it’s never too late to start a regimen. Remember, sexy doesn’t end at our ankles, nor should it hibernate during the winter months. The attention we give our feet will help to maintain a healthy status and help us to stay StillSoSexy!

By Dr. Yvonne Wesley, RN, PhD, FAAN

Back with us this week is Dr. Wesley (www.ywesleyconsulting.com), who provides a word of encouragement for those of us dealing with weight gain. No doubt, we all have probably had this battle at one time or another. So definitely read her advice.

*********

Yes, it has been said that as we age we gain weight. Some have even called it 'the old age spread'. It does not matter which is most familiar to you, what matters is that it seems to be true. Government statistics show that women struggle with their weight more than men, and are more likely to be overweight.

Many of us understand the facts about weight control, but few of us do what it takes to maintain a healthy weight. Strangely enough, even our healthcare professionals fail when it comes to the battle of the bulge. Having the knowledge, that eating fresh fruits and vegetables plus regular exercise will help us win the battle, does not appear to be enough. Instead we seem to be commitment to a sedentary lifestyle filled with donuts, cheeseburgers, pizza, soda, cookies and candy.

Believe it or not most diet programs work. Whether you choose high protein/low carbohydrate meals and Zumba, or calorie counting plus daily walks in the park, each of these are highly effective. But what seems to be lacking is a steadfast determination to lose weight and keep it off. Knowledge of heart attacks and diabetes do not scare us straight. The lure of fried chicken and pound cake outweighs any fears of a health attack or diabetes.

So, when it's all said and done, let's fight on. Let's try to be consistently more committed to loving ourselves by living a lifestyle where we eat smaller portions and are more active.

By Di Om:

We are pleased to have as our guest blogger, Di Om--a yoga and meditation instructor, who will help us understand the bliss of sex and meditation. Read on and learn...

*****

I recently saw the title of a post on one of my favorite yoga websites asking the question, “Meditation or Sex?” Both sex and meditation bring a peaceful bliss to me. Then I thought of something...

One time during sex, I found myself worrying. Yes, worrying. Sometimes it is called ‘thinking.’ I was thinking, does he like the perfume I have on? Does he like what I’m doing? I hope he doesn’t want me to take off my bra too? What does my belly look like? Did he see my grey hair? I could go on and on. You know how rapidly this can happen in our heads. Then my mind said, “STOP!!! STOP IT!! STOP the chatter in your head. Ignore your ego! Stop your thoughts and still your mind like you do when you meditate.” I took a deep slow inhalation in, a deep slow exhalation out, and the last thought was you are here with the person you want to be with so just let go and enjoy. And I did. It was peacefully blissful.

In my yoga practice, I center myself before asana practice or meditation. I breathe slowly and deeply, which calms my mind. I stop the chatter in my head and I quiet my ego. When my mind becomes still, an incredible sense of bliss comes to me. I am present to most changes in my life that have occurred from my yoga and meditation practice. On this evening, I realized that it benefited my sex life too. Why ruin sex with thoughts, especially thoughts about body image? I have to be comfortable in my 40-something-year-old skin. I have generally learned to squash these thoughts in my life, so why let it creep into the bedroom? When I made the connection,the negative chatter stopped and I let go. So, practice this when you have sex: Don’t think too much! When you find yourself thinking, try to stop those thoughts and just let go. The more you practice, the easier it will become. And like I said, “Sex will become a peacefully blissful experience.”

I can no longer find the post on my favorite yoga website, but I think it was a link to the article “Meditation & Sex Are the Same to Your Brain”on MindBodyGreen. The article states that a study suggests our brain reacts to sex and meditation in a similar manner. Meditation stimulates the left side of your brain and sex stimulates the right side of your brain. That is why I enjoy both meditation and sex.

So ladies, just lay back, sit up, or prop yourself on all fours; stop thinking and just let go...and enjoy the ride.

For more on sex and meditation, read: The Neurobiology of Bliss—Sacred and Profane (www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=the-neurobiology-of-bliss-sacred-and-profane)