I am discovering the shape of my soul,

the essence of my emotions,

the passion birthed from pain,

I am discovering the wonder of my womanhood,

the sanctification of my sensuality,

the ecstasy in believing in eternity.

I am discovering the beauty of my body,

it’s secret places designed by the Father

as worship unto His chosen one.

I am discovering that waiting

for the season to be free

begins with me believing my soul,

emotions,sensuality, and eternity

are beautifully in the now of time.

~ from Hobbies, Habits & Other Hidden Hang-Ups

withdrterri

StillSoSexy! really started as unfinished business. Having gestated in the spirit-womb, the time had come to bring this new life into the world as a living phenomenon. Though carried in the mind of one researcher, conception itself would not have been possible without the five women who had agreed, for the sake of scholarly research, to share their most significant life-changing experiences. But what started as a research project soon turned into a real passionate pursuit. Herein lies the moment of conception.

When I awoke the morning of January 17, 2009, I prayed for the five women who would meet with me that day. As they arrived at our meeting place, a quiet excitement surrounded us. We hugged each other, laughed a little, and talked about the cold winter air. I watched them move about the room. I could see and feel the joy as well as the sadness they each carried. I knew they had dug deep within themselves as they prepared to share with one another. We gathered around the table. I turned on the tape-recorder. I welcomed them. And so we began.

Each of them took turns sharing their stories. You could see the ray of emotions on their faces. Some began to weep. Others nodded in understanding. Sometimes we laughed. And at times we were just silent as each tried to find the right words to explain why she did what she did when she did it. As the dialogue unfolded, they challenged each other. They asked one another the hard questions: “Why’d you stay so long?”, “Why didn’t you say something?”, and “How’d you deal with all of that by yourself?”

Throughout our time together, I had made a conscious decision to let the women speak for themselves. I wanted them to have their say and to be heard with very little influence from me as a researcher. Yet, as I listened, observed, laughed, cried, and pondered their journeys; I couldn’t help but to silently make sense of my own. I got what they were saying, which made me wonder: ‘Am I beginning to really get me?’

By the end of the session, the tissues were being passed around the table. We all had witnessed healing—and it was powerful. In the closing moments, they shared how uplifting the experience was for them; how they wanted to do it again in the future. They talked about knowing so many other women who should have been involved because it was truly a life-changing experience in and of itself. I agreed.

As we embraced one another and began leaving the building, we returned into the cold winter air. Once alone, I paused to give thanks in a moment of silent prayer. I was thankful for having been there to see what my fellow sisters were saying, to make sense of our past lives, to manage our present conditions, and to negotiate with ourselves the very future we were beginning to imagine. I knew that day we had conceived something beautiful. And it would be just a matter of time before StillSoSexy! was born. So today, let us begin as she who comes with her own things has finally arrived.

***********

dr. terri is an educator, empowerment writer, and entrepreneur,

who provides education planning, writing guidance, and life-mapping services to the sisterhood and those they love.

To learn more about her services, visit www.withdrterri.com. For the online women's center, visit www.stillsosexy.com.